Every Day, I would look at my wedding ring and think about happy past memories over the last 3 years and I would have strong feelings of nostalgia. The ring also would remind me of the beautiful things that couldn't be bought like the love that John, J.J. and I all share for eachother...A love so strong, nothing in the world could ever tarnish it. I thought about all the hard times that we had been through and realized that the origin of almost every single hard time was the result of just not having enough money to get by. 3 years of 5 dollar shirts at walmart, 10 dollar shoes at payless, looking into my almost empty food cupboard for something to cook us for dinner, losing our jobs, buying and losing our home, getting pregnant unexpectantly, renting a tiny apartment just big enough for beds, a couch, and a T.V., never going on a date with my hubby because we couldn't afford a babysitter. All these things brought so much stress and heart ache into our lives. And then I felt terribly guilty. For having this ring, so beautiful and perfect. When it was supposed to represent something beautiful, all I could see was how much we didn't need it...It was the only beautiful thing that we owned and I was wearing it knowing that with the money we spent on it, we could possibly get back on our feet.
I prayed to God that I would have the strength to put aside the things that didn't matter most in my life...
Mom always called me "The Crow" because I've always loved the shiny/sparkley things in life...and it's true, I love anything that shines or sparkles. Maybe because those things represent how I feel most of the time. I always wanted to live life to it's fullest, and always having something to give or offer that could make someone sad, feel happy.
So I went to John and told him these feelings of intense guilt that I had for wearing something so beautiful when we were in such a dark and ugly place in our lives. I told him that I was at peace with selling the ring. That it wouldn't be hard because it will mean that we can have a second chance at this money thing.
And I will tell you, It wasn't hard, or as hard as I felt it would be. God did give me that strength that I had asked for and needed so desperately. At first, John said, "No Way". He knew how much I loved it and didn't want me to have to get rid of the only material thing that I had left to my name. I assured him, that even though I felt fulnarable, stripped away of all my pride, it was a blessing that we had at least that ONE THING that could potentially give us what we need. I didn't feel entitled to the ring anymore. As far as I was concerned it belonged to God. So we both agreed that it was time to give it up. I told God, "Hey man, I've stripped away my pride, I'm naked and freezing out here, I'm putting this in your hands. Please help us out. PLEASE". The ring was listed on Craigslist and KSL.com for a week. We lowered the price 3 times, each time feeling sicker and sicker with the thought of not being able to sell it for it's worth. And then a women named, Jolie emailed me.
She was looking at Kyacks on Craigslist and decided to just take a quick look at the "Rings" section. Jolie had her wedding ring for 20 years and in an unfortunate event, mis-placed it and it was lost forever. She felt like nothing could ever replace her wedding ring, so she wore cubic zirconia rings and had planned on doing that for the rest of her life. She loved the ring in its simple beauty. The next day we met at the Gateway, Z-Tejas and she bought the ring.
It was truly a miracle that we sold the ring so quickly. Right after we left the Gateway, we went to Walmart and bought a $40 Dollar Gold band. I have to say, I love my Gold band so much! Maybe it's because i'm so relieved to have the weight of my almost 2 caret diamond ring off of my shoulders. But I look at my new band now and It symbolizes the sacrifice that we made to make our marriage and the life of our little man better. It represents the beautiful things that people do for Love. I see the "New Beginning" in this band, and I couldn't be more proud to have such a wonderful husband and beautiful child. Just in the few days after we sold the ring, John and I have become closer and John's "Romantic" personality is back!!! For the first time, I look at my new ring and see meaning and understanding and most of all LOVE.
Jolie and I have a wonderful connection now because of the ring, and I am so very grateful to her and her family for not judging us in the least bit for our situation. We just felt so much love from both Jolie and her husband when we met them. I'm not sure they really know how much they really did help us, but those two have good Karma comin their way! We put the picture of Jolie and I on our fridge as a constant reminder of this time in our lives.
I've grown up a lot through this experience. It's a life lesson that I am so grateful for. It couldn't have gone any better than it did and We couldn't be happier...